| Listening Mothers The Art and Science of Mindful Parenting Articles for Further Understanding |
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Everybody shudders at the thoughts of raising a spoiled child, but can you really spoil a baby?
According to experts, up to 6 months or so, it really is impossible to spoil a baby. At this early stage of the
child’s development, the baby basic needs are to survive and feel loved. The infant is completely dependent
on her parents to provide her with these basic needs. The baby does not know she is a separate being ,
some even call the first few months of the baby’s life “the 4th Trimester” to emphasize this strong bond.
Therefore, meeting the infant needs to be fed, comforted and held in a predictable and loving fashion, will
establish in the baby his sense of security, his trust in the world around him and his positive self esteem.
Recent research in attachment theory shows that when the parents respond sensitively and timely to their
child’s needs, the child learns not only to trust his caregivers but also he will internalize “loving parental
figures”. These internal models will help foster the child’s ability to self regulate, self sooth and his sense of
independence.. The richer ( fuller) the child’s internal world is from his parents loving input at the beginning of
his life, the more well adjusted the child will be. The well adjusted child is able to play more independently,
able to be more self reliant, and is less needy of his parents.
At about 6 months, the baby start seeing his parents as people separate from her. Her favorite game is “Pick
a Boo” when she gets So excited anticipating that her Mommy who hides behind the book will poop up any
minute. Before this time, the baby’s concept of “object permanency” (“ the mother goes away but will come
back”) was only very faint. As the baby’s world expands, both through their cognitive development and better
motor abilities, she experiences great excitements and see the world as her playing field.!.. . At this point
baby needs to learn to trust herself as well as trusting her parents. The baby’s needs for safety and her
desire for exploration go hand in hand. The parents can help the babies achieve both needs by guiding her
play, encouraging her to try on new behaviors and by setting limits.
Setting boundaries, creating routines, and allowing the baby to have alone time , when offered age
appropriately, will just strength the baby’s self confidence , and help her feel safe in a world that is becoming
more challenging. When at this stage the parent doesn’t indulge the baby’s every need, the baby sense of
creativity and mastery of new skills will flourish.
What ever the parents do, either engaging the child in play, read a book, put the baby to sleep or set limits,
certain principle need to be followed:
--Listen to your baby’s non verbal cues
--Identify what your baby may be feeling.
--Reflect on how your baby’s feeling resonant in you.
--Verbalize the baby’s experience to the best of your understanding
--Treat your baby with the respect. Even when you say NO, say it kindly but firmly.
--Treat yourself kindly. Try to stay calm. If you get overwhelmed, ask for help.
If you follow these simple guidelines, you are in for a very rewarding experience. And you deserve it!