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Attachment
across the ocean in the Uk in about 1950 when John Bowlby, a well known psychologist and researcher said to
parents in his famous speech:” All of us find security in being with people we know well and are apt to feel anxious and
insecure in crowds of strangers. Particularly in times of crisis or distress do we seek our closest friends. the need for
companionship and the comfort it brings is a very deep need in human nature… and it is even stronger in infants/”
Much of the subsequent research in child development confirmed that a child who forms healthy attachment to his
primary care taker, will establishes a “secure base”. Having secure base will allow the child to accomplish the
important tasks of the first years of life: developing warm, loving, trust worthy relationships
( bids for closeness and intimacy) and exploring the world around him ( seeds of autonomy and independence).
We also know with the rising amount on brain research that the quality of attachment impacts the baby’s social
emotional and intellectual development. The baby’s feeling of trust develops at the same time that trillions of
connections are forming in the language, intellectual, sensory and motor areas of the brain. The baby’s experiences
of love, trust, safety and exploration can become the permanent part of the brain structure. Moreover, the quality of
interaction the baby has with his parents will lay the foundation for the creation internal “working models” of self and
others. . The more positive the experiences are, the more valuable and special the baby will feel he is, and the more
trustworthy the baby will feel the people around him are.
So what are the characteristics of healthy attachment?
Daniel Siegel . a neuropsychologist from UCLA wrote in his book: “Parenting from the Inside out” that the best
predictor for healthy attachment is the ability of the parents to have a contingent communication with their child.
Already in the early 70, Mary Ainsworth, a psychologist and researcher from John Hopkins University saw the
importance of Contingent Communication in establishing secure attachment, (however she did not use this term)
In her research contingent communication had 4 parts:
1. Sensitivity to cues
2. Acceptance of the baby as opposed to rejection
3. Cooperation with the baby’s rhythm
4. Emotional accessibility to the infant ( which includes having pleasure in their interaction).
Since all parents instinctually would like the best for their kids, why do some parents behave in a way that does not
promote healthy attachment?
Recent research has shown that how the parents have come to make sense of their own life experiences is the best
predictor of the quality of attachment they will have with their children. To quote Daniel Siegel:
“..when the adult has a coherent life story..when the adult has made sense of his or her childhood experiences and
has insight into how the past influenced his or her development as an adult and parent..that is the predictive of
secure attachment”.
Since securely attached children are generally happier, more curios, more self sufficient, better adjusted, more
resilient to stress, handle conflict better , able to mange feelings better and are more successful socially and at school,
it is our responsibility as a society to create climate that promotes healthy attachment.
We designed a program that does exactly that. The Listening Mothers program is helping mothers of infants to
become more self reflective and make better sense of their own life experiences. In the supportive environment of the
group, mothers share their stories as well explore the evolving relationship with their infants.
What a better gift can we give mothers, fathers and infants and all of us who surround them, than an opportunity to
establish long lasting healthy relationships?
across the ocean in the Uk in about 1950 when John Bowlby, a well known psychologist and researcher said to
parents in his famous speech:” All of us find security in being with people we know well and are apt to feel anxious and
insecure in crowds of strangers. Particularly in times of crisis or distress do we seek our closest friends. the need for
companionship and the comfort it brings is a very deep need in human nature… and it is even stronger in infants/”
Much of the subsequent research in child development confirmed that a child who forms healthy attachment to his
primary care taker, will establishes a “secure base”. Having secure base will allow the child to accomplish the
important tasks of the first years of life: developing warm, loving, trust worthy relationships
( bids for closeness and intimacy) and exploring the world around him ( seeds of autonomy and independence).
We also know with the rising amount on brain research that the quality of attachment impacts the baby’s social
emotional and intellectual development. The baby’s feeling of trust develops at the same time that trillions of
connections are forming in the language, intellectual, sensory and motor areas of the brain. The baby’s experiences
of love, trust, safety and exploration can become the permanent part of the brain structure. Moreover, the quality of
interaction the baby has with his parents will lay the foundation for the creation internal “working models” of self and
others. . The more positive the experiences are, the more valuable and special the baby will feel he is, and the more
trustworthy the baby will feel the people around him are.
So what are the characteristics of healthy attachment?
Daniel Siegel . a neuropsychologist from UCLA wrote in his book: “Parenting from the Inside out” that the best
predictor for healthy attachment is the ability of the parents to have a contingent communication with their child.
Already in the early 70, Mary Ainsworth, a psychologist and researcher from John Hopkins University saw the
importance of Contingent Communication in establishing secure attachment, (however she did not use this term)
In her research contingent communication had 4 parts:
1. Sensitivity to cues
2. Acceptance of the baby as opposed to rejection
3. Cooperation with the baby’s rhythm
4. Emotional accessibility to the infant ( which includes having pleasure in their interaction).
Since all parents instinctually would like the best for their kids, why do some parents behave in a way that does not
promote healthy attachment?
Recent research has shown that how the parents have come to make sense of their own life experiences is the best
predictor of the quality of attachment they will have with their children. To quote Daniel Siegel:
“..when the adult has a coherent life story..when the adult has made sense of his or her childhood experiences and
has insight into how the past influenced his or her development as an adult and parent..that is the predictive of
secure attachment”.
Since securely attached children are generally happier, more curios, more self sufficient, better adjusted, more
resilient to stress, handle conflict better , able to mange feelings better and are more successful socially and at school,
it is our responsibility as a society to create climate that promotes healthy attachment.
We designed a program that does exactly that. The Listening Mothers program is helping mothers of infants to
become more self reflective and make better sense of their own life experiences. In the supportive environment of the
group, mothers share their stories as well explore the evolving relationship with their infants.
What a better gift can we give mothers, fathers and infants and all of us who surround them, than an opportunity to
establish long lasting healthy relationships?