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Building Emotional Intelligence:Techniques to Cultivate Children's Inner Strength
Due out April 2008
Recently I spoke with a mother about how her daughter was doing in school. “Well,” she said. “she’s good at math,
better at English -- but even better at emotional intelligence.”
That was a conversation that could not have occurred just a while ago. It was 1993 when Linda Lantieri and I, along
with a small group of like-minded colleagues, got together to establish the Collaborative for Academic, Social, and
Emotional Learning. Back then there were but a handful of programs that exemplified the best promise of “social
emotional learning,” or SEL, the systematic classroom teaching of emotional intelligence. These programs add to the
regular school day a curriculum for handling life: improving self-awareness and confidence, managing disturbing
emotions and impulses, increasing empathy and cooperation.
Linda was at the helm of one of those programs, Resolving Conflict Creatively, which had already found its way into
hundreds of schools as a way to fight rising rates of violence. Many of the early social and emotional learning efforts
in schools were developed to combat just such a challenge: teens use of drugs and alcohol, dropouts, unwanted teen
pregnancies and other pitfalls of adolescence. When the W.T. Grant Foundation commissioned a study of all such
programs to see what actually made some of them work (while others did not), the teaching of social and emotional
skills emerged among the crucial active ingredients.
Over the years since Linda and I first worked together, social and emotional learning has spread to tens of thousands
of schools worldwide, and continues to grow. Some of that growth was helped along by my 1995 book Emotional
Intelligence, which argued that schools would better equip children for life if the curriculum included not just the
academic basics, but also coaching in the basics of social and emotional competence. A heightened self-awareness,
better ability to manage distressing emotions, increased sensitivity to how others feel, and managing relationships well
are vital throughout life. But the foundation for these life competencies is laid in childhood.
Brain science tells us that a child’s brain goes through major growth that does not end until the mid-20s.
“Neuroplasticity,” as scientists call it, means that the sculpting of the brain’s circuitry during this period of brain growth
depends to a great degree on what a child experiences day-to-day. During this window these environmental influences
on brain growth are particularly powerful in shaping a child’s social and emotional neural circuits. Children who are well-
nurtured and whose parents help them learn how to calm down when they are upset, for instance, seem to develop
greater strength in the brain’s circuits for managing distress; those whose parents neglect them will be more likely to
act on aggressive impulses or have trouble calming down when they are upset.
Good parents are like good teachers. By offering a secure base, the caring adults in children's lives can create an
environment that lets children's brains function at their best. That base becomes a safe haven, a zone of strength from
which they can venture forth to explore, to master something new, to achieve. That secure base can become
internalized when children are taught to better manage their anxiety and so more keenly focus their attention. This
enhances their ability to reach an optimal zone for learning as well .
One way to ensure every child gets the best lessons of the heart is to make them part of the school day as well as a
child's home life. Linda and I are founding members of the Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning,
an organization based at the University of Illinois at Chicago that has set standards for SEL and helped school
systems around the world bring these programs into their curriculum. The best social and emotional learning programs
in schools are designed to fit seamlessly into the standard school curriculum for children at every age.
The question is, does social and emotional learning make a difference in children’s lives? Now we have the answer: a
definitive meta-analysis of more than one hundred studies compared students who had SEL with those who did not.
The data shows impressive improvements among the SEL students in their behavior in and out of the classroom. It
showed that students not only mastered abilities like calming down and getting along better, but they also learned
more effectively: their grades improved and their scores on academic achievement tests were a hefty 12 percent
higher than similar students who did not have such social and emotional learning programs . Helping children master
their emotions and relationships makes them better learners.
Why helping children handle their inner world and relationships better can boost learning can be understood, too, in
terms of the impact of SEL on children’s developing neural circuitry. One area of the brain most shaped by experience
during childhood is the prefrontal cortex, the brain’s executive center. This area holds the circuits both for inhibiting
disruptive emotional impulses and for paying attention – for calming and focusing. When children do not have
strategies for decreasing their anxiety, less attention is available to them to learn, solve problems and grasp new
ideas. A child, for example, who gets panicked by a pop quiz, will actually imprint that response rather than the details
of any material in the quiz. Distress kills learning . Scientists now believe that improving attention and memory, along
with freeing the mind from impulsivity and distress, puts a child’s mind in the best zone for learning. And social and
emotional learning does just that.
Linda Lantieri has continued to be a pioneer in movement to integrate social and emotional learning into schools
throughout the world. Currently she has been facing one of education’s greatest challenges: how to help children who
have suffered a shock like the events of 9/11 become more resilient, so they can bounce back from trauma and get on
with their lives and education. Working with children in the schools closest to the former World Trade Center, Linda
has developed a curriculum that can help any child calm the body, quiet the mind, and pay better attention.
These are skills that all children need not just in school, but throughout life. Parents and teachers tell children
countless times, “calm down,” or, “pay attention.” But the natural course of a child’s development means that her brain’
s circuitry for calming and focusing is a work in progress: those neural systems are still growing. Yet we can help them
along, by giving children systematic lessons that will strengthen these budding capacities. That’s what Linda has done
in her state-of-the-art curriculum in the New York City Schools, and what she offers any family or classroom here in
this book and CD set.
When Linda asked if I would narrate the instructional exercises that teach these skills, I jumped at the chance. I’m
honored to once again be involved with Linda Lantieri’s groundbreaking work, this time as the voice that narrates the
instructional CDs. And I’m delighted by the thought of the many children whose lives will benefit from this practical
wisdom.
__________________________________________________
1. Goleman, D. (2006). Social Intelligence: Beyond I.Q. Beyond Emotional Intelligence. Bantam Books, New York, NY.
2. Durlak, J. and Weissberg, R. (2005), "A Major Meta-Analysis of Positive Youth Development Programs,"
presentation at the annual meeting of the American Psychological Association, Washington D.C.
3. Goleman, D. (2006). Social Intelligence: Beyond I.Q. Beyond Emotional Intelligence. Bantam Books, New York, NY.
Due out April 2008
Recently I spoke with a mother about how her daughter was doing in school. “Well,” she said. “she’s good at math,
better at English -- but even better at emotional intelligence.”
That was a conversation that could not have occurred just a while ago. It was 1993 when Linda Lantieri and I, along
with a small group of like-minded colleagues, got together to establish the Collaborative for Academic, Social, and
Emotional Learning. Back then there were but a handful of programs that exemplified the best promise of “social
emotional learning,” or SEL, the systematic classroom teaching of emotional intelligence. These programs add to the
regular school day a curriculum for handling life: improving self-awareness and confidence, managing disturbing
emotions and impulses, increasing empathy and cooperation.
Linda was at the helm of one of those programs, Resolving Conflict Creatively, which had already found its way into
hundreds of schools as a way to fight rising rates of violence. Many of the early social and emotional learning efforts
in schools were developed to combat just such a challenge: teens use of drugs and alcohol, dropouts, unwanted teen
pregnancies and other pitfalls of adolescence. When the W.T. Grant Foundation commissioned a study of all such
programs to see what actually made some of them work (while others did not), the teaching of social and emotional
skills emerged among the crucial active ingredients.
Over the years since Linda and I first worked together, social and emotional learning has spread to tens of thousands
of schools worldwide, and continues to grow. Some of that growth was helped along by my 1995 book Emotional
Intelligence, which argued that schools would better equip children for life if the curriculum included not just the
academic basics, but also coaching in the basics of social and emotional competence. A heightened self-awareness,
better ability to manage distressing emotions, increased sensitivity to how others feel, and managing relationships well
are vital throughout life. But the foundation for these life competencies is laid in childhood.
Brain science tells us that a child’s brain goes through major growth that does not end until the mid-20s.
“Neuroplasticity,” as scientists call it, means that the sculpting of the brain’s circuitry during this period of brain growth
depends to a great degree on what a child experiences day-to-day. During this window these environmental influences
on brain growth are particularly powerful in shaping a child’s social and emotional neural circuits. Children who are well-
nurtured and whose parents help them learn how to calm down when they are upset, for instance, seem to develop
greater strength in the brain’s circuits for managing distress; those whose parents neglect them will be more likely to
act on aggressive impulses or have trouble calming down when they are upset.
Good parents are like good teachers. By offering a secure base, the caring adults in children's lives can create an
environment that lets children's brains function at their best. That base becomes a safe haven, a zone of strength from
which they can venture forth to explore, to master something new, to achieve. That secure base can become
internalized when children are taught to better manage their anxiety and so more keenly focus their attention. This
enhances their ability to reach an optimal zone for learning as well .
One way to ensure every child gets the best lessons of the heart is to make them part of the school day as well as a
child's home life. Linda and I are founding members of the Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning,
an organization based at the University of Illinois at Chicago that has set standards for SEL and helped school
systems around the world bring these programs into their curriculum. The best social and emotional learning programs
in schools are designed to fit seamlessly into the standard school curriculum for children at every age.
The question is, does social and emotional learning make a difference in children’s lives? Now we have the answer: a
definitive meta-analysis of more than one hundred studies compared students who had SEL with those who did not.
The data shows impressive improvements among the SEL students in their behavior in and out of the classroom. It
showed that students not only mastered abilities like calming down and getting along better, but they also learned
more effectively: their grades improved and their scores on academic achievement tests were a hefty 12 percent
higher than similar students who did not have such social and emotional learning programs . Helping children master
their emotions and relationships makes them better learners.
Why helping children handle their inner world and relationships better can boost learning can be understood, too, in
terms of the impact of SEL on children’s developing neural circuitry. One area of the brain most shaped by experience
during childhood is the prefrontal cortex, the brain’s executive center. This area holds the circuits both for inhibiting
disruptive emotional impulses and for paying attention – for calming and focusing. When children do not have
strategies for decreasing their anxiety, less attention is available to them to learn, solve problems and grasp new
ideas. A child, for example, who gets panicked by a pop quiz, will actually imprint that response rather than the details
of any material in the quiz. Distress kills learning . Scientists now believe that improving attention and memory, along
with freeing the mind from impulsivity and distress, puts a child’s mind in the best zone for learning. And social and
emotional learning does just that.
Linda Lantieri has continued to be a pioneer in movement to integrate social and emotional learning into schools
throughout the world. Currently she has been facing one of education’s greatest challenges: how to help children who
have suffered a shock like the events of 9/11 become more resilient, so they can bounce back from trauma and get on
with their lives and education. Working with children in the schools closest to the former World Trade Center, Linda
has developed a curriculum that can help any child calm the body, quiet the mind, and pay better attention.
These are skills that all children need not just in school, but throughout life. Parents and teachers tell children
countless times, “calm down,” or, “pay attention.” But the natural course of a child’s development means that her brain’
s circuitry for calming and focusing is a work in progress: those neural systems are still growing. Yet we can help them
along, by giving children systematic lessons that will strengthen these budding capacities. That’s what Linda has done
in her state-of-the-art curriculum in the New York City Schools, and what she offers any family or classroom here in
this book and CD set.
When Linda asked if I would narrate the instructional exercises that teach these skills, I jumped at the chance. I’m
honored to once again be involved with Linda Lantieri’s groundbreaking work, this time as the voice that narrates the
instructional CDs. And I’m delighted by the thought of the many children whose lives will benefit from this practical
wisdom.
__________________________________________________
1. Goleman, D. (2006). Social Intelligence: Beyond I.Q. Beyond Emotional Intelligence. Bantam Books, New York, NY.
2. Durlak, J. and Weissberg, R. (2005), "A Major Meta-Analysis of Positive Youth Development Programs,"
presentation at the annual meeting of the American Psychological Association, Washington D.C.
3. Goleman, D. (2006). Social Intelligence: Beyond I.Q. Beyond Emotional Intelligence. Bantam Books, New York, NY.